there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
