so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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