I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
