just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
