Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
