Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
