Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm bleeding and have questions
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
