i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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