watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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