After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
