New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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