Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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