If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
