thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
