the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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