So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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