So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just found puke in my bra..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
