Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
