My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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