Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
