I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
