So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
