We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize