dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
