did you get engaged???
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
