I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
