My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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