dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
