Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
