Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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