Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
