Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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