We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
