It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
