I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
