do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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