if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
