I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
