Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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