Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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