Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
