My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize