I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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