3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I did not marry a roomba.
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