i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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