I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
