omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
