We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
