Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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