sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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