I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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