Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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