rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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