Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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