You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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