i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
