Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
