i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
