i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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