im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
