when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
