My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
