Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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