11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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