im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
