FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
