at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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