She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize