when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
