I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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