I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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