I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
porn star boner night. come get it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
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