I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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