some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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