Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
