tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
