I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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